What’s the perfect beard for you?

Take this quiz to discover your ideal face-fuzz

It's the first drink of the weekend – what are you ordering?

A pewter tankard of mead

A pint of lager

A brogue filled with IPA

A slimline tonic water

A really expensive bottle of limited-edition craft lager

Where are you having that first drink?

In a very swanky club, surrounded by velvet ropes and music that's far, far too loud

In a converted whelk-shelling factory under a railway arch near Hackney Wick

In a hay-filled barn surrounded by really big cows

In a high-ceilinged pub that serves really good scotch eggs for just a tenner a pop

In an old man's boozer, filled with drinkers who look like someone's partially deflated them

What's the plan after that?

DJing at a club night in a part of town that minicabs don't go to after dark

Tucking into a massive bowl of balti

Making sure your beard looks as amazing as it did two hours earlier

Rearranging your pristine collection of vintage bottle openers

Taking part in a re-enactment of a key English civil war battle

How are you spending the morning after the night before?

Looking up new varieties of obscure cacti

Getting a refix on your trim. Despite having it done two days ago.

Foraging for wild mushrooms and some unpopular type of cress the Romans apparently ate

Chilling. Really chilling. Chilling more than anyone ever has. So chill.

Having a greasy-spoon full English breakfast with some equally fragile mates

Finally, how are you going to celebrate graduating from Beard University?

By going for a nice meal with your parents

By getting your fixed-gear bike a new paintjob

By going to the barbers. Again.

By looking at your own beard in the mirror for a few hours

By signing up for an archaeology course at a rival university

Previous Next

Page: 1 of 5

There are some errors that need to be corrected